Blessing: my husband… no truly, I mean it. Definitely blessed by my incredible husband.
Throughout this pregnancy so far, I’ve been pretty even tempered. Really. It’s true. But to be fair, going through IVF really had me on an up and down roller coaster of emotions. Feeling crazy, crying at everything – even a stupid car commercial. I think I was so high and so low during IVF, that pregnancy feels normal… even to my husband.
But last night was different. I was overly emotional about everything. I don’t think it helps that I’m sick and I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I went to a walk-in clinic a few days ago and was told to take a Claritin. Ummm… this isn’t allergies. My throat hurts. I have post-nasal drip. I’m coughing (both wet and dry cough if that’s even possible). My ears are constantly popping. And I’m completely drained of energy. But in visiting the walk-in clinic, I informed them that I’m pregnant. Apparently that’s scary information. My OBGYN, Dr. Courtney Wiener, (btw I really recommend her – she’s been incredible so far) said that everyone is afraid of a pregnant woman and doesn’t tend to provide the same level of care or diagnoses as with a non-pregnant woman. But I digress…
So I’m not feeling well… and by that, I mean that I’m feeling downright rotten. So I guess it’s not a huge surprise that I’m overly emotional. Poor Alex. He was cooking dinner (ahhhhmazzing!!!). The dog came in from the backyard and it was raining all day so we needed to wipe his paws before he came in the house. Alex stopped what he was doing to wash/wipe Apache’s paws. As Alex washed his paws, he spilled water all over a new rug that I got for the back door. Immediately I’m angry and I’m crying… over spilled water. Then Alex made dessert. (And yes, he’s that incredible of a man.) He made homemade meyer lemon panna cotta with a berry puree… except he drowned the panna cotta in the amazing puree that he made, and I wasn’t happy about that. So I told him so. Ugh. I was so awful. So I stopped eating and went to brush my teeth.
Yes, I’m painting a horrible picture of me because I was horrible. In the moment, I couldn’t control my emotions or the words coming out of my mouth. Alex was so hurt. Then he started saying how he’ll redo the panna cotta. So I yelled at him…obviously. I told him not to touch anything. “I’m pregnant! Can you just let me be pregnant and have pregnant emotions?!?!” Yep. I said it.
Alex tried to give me a kiss, and I responded with, “Not now. I just need a moment,” as we lay down in bed for the night. In the darkness, Alex reached across the bed and grabbed my hand and squeezed it. Because in that moment, he was a much better person than me.
This morning, Alex continued to be sweet as ever, giving me lots of hugs and kisses and letting me know that today is a new day. I’m incredibly blessed for the prince in my life… who is genuinely kind, caring and loving even when I’m not at my best.